It can be such an uncomfortable topic can’t it? You want to work more at paying off your debt, buy something big, or simply stop spending so much. These things can be hard to talk to your spouse about, and what usually happens is silence, or arguments, or unwanted, hurtful words are exchanged.
So what is the right way to talk to your husband about what’s on your mind? How do you approach him without going down the road of bitterness and strife?
Understandably, the Bible calls us to be “peacemakers”, not centers of conflict, not instigators, and not “the devil’s advocate”. I describe this as understandably, because if you really think about it, this calling makes a lot of sense.
“If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men.”
Sure, it is our first instinct to be the instigator, to go against what he says, and to challenge what he might think is right. But instead of spending our time pushing back, maybe it’s time we try to see the other side.
How exactly do we approach this topic in a loving way? Especially when all you expect to hear is a “no” or “not right now”. Well, hopefully the answers I give you today will help you see the other side, help you appreciate what your husband says, and help you encourage him in the right direction.
To say the least, I have no grounds to give marital advice. I am just coming to you as a woman humbled by God’s ability to turn situations around for His glory when I meant it for my own gain. I also love to learn from His Word, and I know you do too. So let’s try together to make a difference in the way we treat our husbands, and the way we approach this very dainty and hard to discuss topic!
- Pray Before Speaking – We all do it, don’t we? We talk about something with our spouse we haven’t even thought through in our own hearts. Remember something, there is absolutely nothing wrong with hashing out important issues with your spouse, but it will be infinitely better if you approach it from a fear of the Lord. Pray about what’s on your heart, ask the Lord to reveal your sin that might be hindering your decision. Chances are, just praying about it will humble you to see things you haven’t seen before.
- Don’t Assume You Know How They Feel – Anyone that’s ever been married can probably relate to this one. Spouses often spend a good chunk of their time assuming. They assume their partner will be mad, irritated, happy, overjoyed, or withdrawn about a particular thing when they haven’t taken the time to listen or even approach. Throw your assumptions out the window, come into the conversation with an open heart to hear their questions, concerns, hopes, and fears.
- Always be Joyful– Let’s face it, you might be praying, hoping, wishing, and wanting to have something so badly…but he says NO. You have to be able to deal with that. God never gives us an excuse to not be joyful, and no matter how defeated you might feel, it takes joy to move on to the next day and to still love your spouse with reckless abandonment. So approach each situation with this in mind, “no matter what he says, I will still be joyful and love him regardless.”
Of course, these kinds of things apply to so many areas, not just with the topic of money. In the end, it is all about creating a loving and genuine atmosphere that allows for mistakes, tough conversations, and heartfelt responses. Don’t give up on talking about money because it’s too hard. I was reminded of how difficult this life can be this morning when I read Matthew 7:13-15 which tells us, “13 “Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who enter through it. 14 For the gate is small and the way is narrow that leads to life, and there are few who find it.”
Let’s choose the narrow gate, it always leads to a more meaningful life…
More Verses to Consider:
“A man’s discretion makes him slow to anger,
And it is his glory to overlook a transgression.”
“What is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you? Is not the source your pleasures that wage war in your members?”